Fearless Vampire Killers or Pardon Me, But Your Teeth are in My Neck

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Violent* *No Strong Language* *No Sexual Situations* *No Nudity* *Not Gory*</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>1967/Color/111 Min./MGM\UA & Cadre Films & Filmways Ltd./Not Rated</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Director...........Roman Polanski</B></div> <div> <B>Screenplay.....Gerard Brach & Roman Polanski</B></div> <div> <B>Music..............Christopher Komeda</B></div> <div> <B>Producer........Gene Gutowski</B></div> <div> <B>Executive Producer.......Martin Ransohoff</B></div> <div> <B>Director of Photography..Douglas Slocombe</B></div> <div> <B>Special Effects by</B></div> <div> <B>Story by Gerard Brach & Roman Polanski</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Dramatis Personae</U></B></div> <div> <B>Alfred................Roman Polanski</B></div> <div> <B>Professor Abronsius...Jack MacGowran</B></div> <div> <B>Sarah.................Sharon Tate</B></div> <div> <B>Count Von Krolock.....Ferdy Mayne</B></div> <div> <B>Shagal (Innkeeper)....Alfie Bass</B></div> <div> <B>Koukol (hunchback)....Terry Downes</B></div> <div> <B>Maid..................Fiona Lewis</B></div> <div> <B>Herbert (Count's son).Lain Quarrier</B></div> <div> <B>Rebecca (Innkeeper)...Jesse Robins</B></div> <div> <B>Village Idiot.........Ronald Lacey</B></div> <div> <B>Sleigh Driver.........Sydney Bromley</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Critique</U></B><B>: A discredited zany professor goes seeking vampires and finds himself in a sixties style romp at a transylvanian castle, in the process finding Sharon Tate in various bubble baths. Like any tongue in cheek sixties style romp, this film is hopelessly tedious. The camp acting by both the professor and Alfred overwhelms. Although the professor's acting is the most annoying element in this film, the sources of dismay are legion. Okay, Sharon Tate. There she is. See her sit in the bubble bath. See her dance a minuet. The count is your basic vampire, doing the best Christopher Lee that he knows how. Polanski himself is almost as annoying as the professor is. One really wonders why such films are made. This one even seemed to have been done with some care. The film work and the scenery are not in the least slip shod. So, the whole thing is baffling. All one can surmise is that it was the sixties, and it was time to lampoon things. Odd to think that a tired genre like the vampire film needed any lampooning in 1967. The film is the inspiration for 1971's Vampire Happening, down to the inclusion of Ferdie Mayne as the campy count but not quite as vapid, not quite the insult to the viewer that that memorable piece was. Perhaps the most interesting scene is with Herbert, the count's gay vampire son, as he prepares to seduce/kill Alfred. But, like everything else in this film, it is utterly pointless, and ends in a fast motion slap stick chase.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Plot Summary</U></B><B>: In Transylvania, professor Abronsius and Alfred are on a search. Abronsius has lost his chair at Koenigsberg--his colleagues there call him the nut. Alfted becomes nervous when their sled is pursued by wild dogs, but Abronsius snoozes through the whole event. They stop at x Inn, where the Einstein-looking Abronsius arrives stiff as a board. their feet are placed in hot water, and they thaw out. Abronsius sees garlic hung from the ceiling and is sure his search is at an end. Abronsius asks whether there is a castle in the district, and the townspeople are reticent to tell him, though the town fool blurts it out. Alfred puts leach-bulbs on the professor's bare back and reads vampire lore to the professor. Alfred hears someone moving out in the hallway, it is just the landlord paying a nocturnal visit on his daughter, Sarah (Tate)--though they make a scene of investigating, and there's a bop on the head. Sarah is enchanted by foolish Alfred's snowman. A hunchback hunches in, and she hides under Alfred's table, apparently in terror of him. Alfred follows the hunchback, hiding on his sled. The hunchback stops the sled when he sees a wolf and runs off after it. He returns with a mouth covered with blood. Alfred returns to the Inn, and gets a late night visit from the Sarah, who complains of being bored. She speaks very suggestively--but he realizes that she's speaking of having a bath in their private tub. Later, we see that the hunchback has returned with a distinguished looking passenger on his sled. He peers in through the window at the bather. Fangs and scrunching noises. After some badly camp acting by Alfred, the Inn keepers come and mourn the loss of their daughter who has been bitten and spirited away by the vampire. The Inn keeper is off in the snow to confront the vampire. The next morning, he is brought back frozen by townspeople. He has puncture holes in writ, ankles and stomach. Mrs. Chagall is to put a wooden stake in her dead husband's heart to save his soul. She refuses, and after a bruised thumb, they go to stick the stake in, but Chagall arises and scampers into the cellar. The vampire escapes after some more blundering, and returns to bite the maid--whose cross turns out to be useless. He hides behind the door while they discuss plans, and is soon off with a toodloo. Alfred and the professor ski off to the castle. They find the grave of a Von Krolock, and then enter the castle. They find themselves trapped in a cell for a while, and then the hunchback comes and leads them to the count's table. The count has read the professor's book on bats. They scramble for an excuse by claiming that they had seen a bat flying in december, and the professor explains it was flying while hibernating. They head off for bed, and meet the count's son on the way--who is appartently homosexual and shows a keen interest in Alfred. Alfred hears a mysterious keening of a female, and follows the sound down the hall. The count and son are settled into their coffins, and then Chagall, whistling a toon, settles into his own box, but he is sent by Tucko the hunchback to the stalls. The next morning the pair sees the Tuko working on a coffin, and they decide that Sarah is not yet dead. They begin to search for her. The hunchback guards the crypt, so they scale the walls to get to the other wing of the castle. They climb through a window into one of the towers. With the professor stuck in the window, Alfred following his directions, bumbles around and can't manage to drive the stake in. It is decided that he free the professor and that the professor do the deed. On the way around to the other side to free him, he hears Sarah singing again. He follows her voice and finds her in a tub. She seems fairly content with her situation, and is looking forward to a ball this evening. He finally remembers the professor and pulls him back out of the window, losing the vampire killing materials in the process. The professor spies Chagall going to the now vampirous maid for a tryst. Alfred, hearing Sarah's singing, wanders into the count's son's chambers. He tells Alfred he is ill and insists he take a rest on his bed. He complements Alfred on the length of his lashes. Alfred sees the son throws no image in the mirror and realizes that he is a vampire. The son tries to bite Alfred, but he escapes momentarily--but Alfred bites the son rather than the son's biting him. As they observe vampires rising from their graves, the count comes up behind them--and explains the coming victory of vampires over humans. The professor realizes they have been left on a parapet with a working cannon. They turn it around, and prpare an impromptu projectile with snow, a scarf and some wooden refuse. Meanwhile, the vampires have gathered for an eighteenth century style ball. Sarah is presented to the gathering to greedy gasps. The cannon fires off, breaking down the door, and sneak into the party by bonking some elderly vampires with a knight's helmet. Chagall, meanwhile, pulls the maid into a grave for his own amusement. In the minuet, Alfred assures Sarah she will be saved. As they promenade for the door, they show up in a mirror, and the jig is up. They are pursued, but crossing swords creates a crucifix, and they are able to escape. The professor stops to examine a few bats, but they make their way through catycombs and into Tuko's workroom, and then out into the courtyard where a sled awaits them. They are pursued by the vampires, but it is near dawn, and only Tuko can pursue them in a coffin tobagan. Tuko just misses them a few times, and then is devoured by dogs. Unfortunately, Sarah has alredy turned, and Alfred is bitten--the professor unwittingly brings Sarah and now Alfred, into the world. </B></div> </td> </tr></table></body>