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Cruise into Terror
(Religious/Archaeology/Devil) 5*****skulls
* No Blood * Not Violent * No Strong Language * No Nudity *
* No Sexual Situations * Not Gory *
1977/Color/100 Min./Prism Entertainment & Aaron Spelling Productions/ Not Rated
Director.........Bruce Kessler (Deathmoon, Simon, King of the Witches)
Screenplay.......Michael Braverman
Music............Gerald Fried
Producers........Aaron Spelling & Douglas S. Cramer
Executive Producer.....Norman Henry
Special Effects by Dick Albain
Dramatis Personae
Simon............Dirk Benedict (Battlestar Galactica-TV, Demon Keeper)
Captain Anders...Frank Converse(Spring Fever, Tales of the Unexpected)
Reverend Mathord.John Forsythe (Dynasty-TV, In Cold Blood, Scrooged)
Linda............Lynda Day George (Ants!, Beyond Evil, Mortuary, Pieces)
Sandy............Christopher George (Gates of Hell, Mortuary, Pieces)
Mrs. Mathord.....Lee Meriwether (Batman-TV, Namu, The Killer Whale
Dr. Isiah Bakun..Ray Milland (The Attic, Frogs, The Thief, The Uncanny)
Nathan...........Roger E. Mosley (The Greatest, Pray TV, Unlawful Entry)
Matt Lazarus.....Hugh O'Brian (Fantasy Island-TV, Ten Little Indians)
Un-Mrs. Lady.....Stella Stevens (Arnold, The Manitou, Terror Within 2)
Debby............Jo Ann Harris (The Beguiled, Deadly Games)
Judy.............Hilary Thompson
Bennett..........Marshall Thomas
Emanuel..........Ruben Moreno
Critique: Washed-up stars on a creaky cruise boat discover an Egyptian tomb in the Gulf of Mexico. Inside is a pint-sized Prince of Darkness. If you hate the horror movie motif of impatient character actors who drive each other insane by engaging in pointless conversations on a small disabled cruise ship (fireboat), don't get this. All kidding aside, the cast is way above average for the genre. This made for TV movie goes as far as it can on weird performances by the Love Boat all star cast; disturbing emoting by Christopher George and John Forsythe, barely comprehensible Jamaican jive from Roger Mosley, and Stella Stevens (her character has no name - see above) oozes vacuousness while Ray Milland turns his pomposity up several haughty notches and Lee Meriwether plots her own course to Catatonia (Cruise ship joke!). The sole special effect is a regrettable shot of the tiny sarcophagus breathing. Breathing inanimate objects are neither scary nor funny, more shocking and insulting, leaving the indignant viewer to wonder if the director was actually possessed. Still, the pace is surprisingly good for what it is and it's pretty amusing seeing how irresponsible everyone is about the important artifacts. As always, the "man without a soul" notion sends a chill even in this unprepossessing piece. The story line itself is competently delivered, and the strength of the cast combined with the implausability of the story make for amusing viewing. The Love Boat is, however, scarier. An Egyptian tomb at the bottom of the gulf of Mexico? Fittingly, the Love Boat cast is a staple of sea-faring horror; see Death Cruise and Death Ship.
Plot Summary: A dull morning. The luxury cruise ship "Mexican" is overbooked, thus the unfit tugboat "Obeah" will take the eight passenger overflow to Casino across the Gulf of Mexico on its one troubled engine. The reluctant captain takes the job after having his arm twisted off by his boss. When the evil shipper turns after making the arrangements he is crushed in a freakish accident. The passengers dubiously assemble, among them several young women bent on being exploited, Judy and Marilyn, the Reverend Charles Mathord and his wife, and the awkward physicist, Mr. Lazarus. A system of squalls is moving in, so they shove off with due haste in order to beat it. Nathan, who talks with a ridiculous drawl, and the sexy mate Simon greet the tanker guests. Also on board is the archeologist, Isaiah Bakun, who despite his education and years of research, mistakenly holds that the Egyptians founded the Mayan civilization based on a papyrus of Cleopatra Selinus, indicating that a tomb was built there. One of the women notes that there must have been a reason for them to build the tomb so far from Egypt. As they are under way, red eyes, accompanied by a cat sound approach Debbie and she almost falls overboard before being pulled back from the brink. The captain says the red eyes were just border police. The reverend's wife is bitter about her recovering alcoholic husband's obsession with his calling. Physicist Lazarus is a believer in Bakun's Egypt theory. As the folks stop for a swim, the captain notices a shark's dorsal fin and there is a desperate race as the swimmers head back to the ship. Malcolm insists they had come to the reef a hundred times and they never saw a shark--there's something wrong. The captain agrees. The reverend notes that there are no Egyptian remains in Mexico, establishing himself as a Bakun opponent. Lazarus says that the Mayan remains that Bakun has picked out for the tomb don't correspond to the calculation on the papyrus. Coincidentally, the correction for the change in star patterns put the tomb near where they will cross on this voyage. However, the captain says they can't diverge. Just then a pump is inexplicably destroyed and the ship stalls out. They drop anchor. The professor is very agitated that they are right next to the tomb. The passengers all want to check it out and although the Reverend insists that the dead should be left to rest, he is overuled. Incredibly, the utterly unexperienced passengers put on scuba suits and head down to the tomb without the archeologist. Captain Andy refuses to tell the witch-passenger his secret concern. The passengers find the tomb and indiscriminately pry some plates inscribed with hieroglyphs off the important find. Pictured is a bird-headed figure which is recognized as a warning. The papyrus prophesizes that the tomb will be opened every thousand years. The reverend tells the story of a 1922 expedition in which all twenty-two members were killed and theorizes that the Mayan civilization disappeared when it did because the tomb had been opened. Again, he loses the argument. The pump can't be fixed for hours so the "crew" continues the dive. As they begin hauling up golden artifacts, the tiny sarcophagus is laid on the deck and ogled as down below a rock slide crushes Nathan. What's worse, the radio goes out. It comes out that Andy already has lost a ship and three passengers. The passengers want to turn back to the US for fear that the Mexicans will confiscate their treasure. However, the captain insists it belongs to the ship and its owners. The Reverend says that it was born in 1 AD and is the son of Satan. He reads from revelations that twelve souls will gather and be killed by "he who will raise it". There are thirteen members, but apparently the foster father has no soul. People suddenly begin acting up. Lil, Charles' wife, finds his raving and talk of victory over Satan all too familiar. Meanwhile the captain takes advantage of his position with the witch lady. The frustrated Lil gazes at the sarcophagus which seems to command her. She shows up in Lazarus' room, proclaiming him the one and drops her nightgown. Afterward, she starts muttering 'Nomavatu' and tries to strangle the Reverend. Sandra tells Neil that she believes that the thing is evil and they have enough money without it. Possessed Neil tells Sandra that nobody has enough money. The archeologist goes to do away with the sarcophagus which he now believes to be evil, but he is crushed by it as the ship pitches. Friends Judy and Debbie begin squabbling. Judy says that Debbie is a clinging weakling and storms off. Sandra's loses all patience with Neil. Lazarus tells Neil that he just wants to be sure it gets off the ship unharmed and they carry it away. Lazarus tells the guardian that Lil is quite a woman. The Reverend tries to tell the passengers who the guardian is, then forces his way into the cabin where the guardian is protecting the child and the showdown takes its inevitable course. ? Finish.
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