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Class of Nuke 'em High
Class of Nuke 'em High (Camp/Toxic/Agency) 4****skulls
1986/Color/84 Min./Video Treasures, Inc. & The Troma Team & /Rated R
Director.........Richard W. Haines (Survivor) & Samuel Weil
Screenplay.......Richard W. Haines & Mark Rudnitsky & Lloyd Kaufman & Stuart Strutin
Music............Michael Lattanzi
Producers........Lloyd Kaufman & Michael Herz
Executive Producers.....James Treadwell
Special effects and make-up by Scott Courier & Bran Quinn
Based on an Original Story by Richard W. Haines
Nightmare Music by "Biohazard"
Dramatis Personae
Chrissy.....Janelle Brady (The Allnighter)
Warren......Gilbert Brenton
Spike.......Robert Prichard (Alien Space Avenger)
Mr. Peely...R.I. Ryan (Eat and Run)
Eddie.......James Nugent Vernon
Gonzo.......Brad Dunker
Pete........Gary Schneider
Greg........Gary Rosenblatt
Spud........Rick Howard
Muffy.......Theo Cohan
Judy........Mary Taylor
Taru........Heather McMahan
George......Anthony Ventura
Luffy.......Seth Oliver Hawkins
Cathy.......Lerae Dean
Joe.........Chris McNamee
Miss Stein..Diana Devries
Critique: One can't help but regret one's anti-censorship convictions when something this unartistic alludes to the work of the Three Stooges, who, although they generally didn't follow a script, produced incomparably better texts. The standard anti nuclear power themes of horror films are played out in traditional, and in its own tradition ever-worsening Team Troma style. After achieving the climax of the "Toxic Avenger", these cheap slapstick movies have taken a hideous nosedive, insulting "Avenger's" silly originality with the monotonous sequels, which continues in the brutally irritating and boring sequel to this lame effort. For interested parties, plenty of heavy metal, punks, and motorcycles, the former and latter canonized horror no-nos. The toxic creature is pretty well done in an "Aliens" retread way. Despite some decent ham acting by R. I. Ryan as Peelie, much of the "over-the-top" acting, is too much to be amusing or anything else but agonizing. It seems as though the directors and writers, such as they were, lost their way a number of times, for example as Warren only turns into the avenging monster once and soon is back to normal.
Plot Summary: New York. The Tromaville Nuclear Utility. We zero in on the nuclear waste bins. A line bursts, setting off alarms and sending workers in protective suits scurrying. The manager, Peelie, insists that they not shut down in order to avoid investigations. A little scrubbing and everything will be fine. However, at the local school, a green slime has collected near a gutter. A nerdy student, Dewey Smart, bends over a water fountain and gets a dark green mouthful. Principle Westly announces a routine nuclear drill. As the students line up, Dewey begins vomiting green fluids and striking the students before leaping out a window. He dissolves before the students' eyes. Peelie reports that it wasn't the reactor but rather the fact that Dewey had two microwaves at home. Meanwhile, students at the high school continue to get splattered by green slime. People are wondering about Mrs. Brooks' losing her hair. The students do seem to be acting up, honor students wearing punk drag and intimidating the "geeks". The obvious next thing is to have a bake sale. After "the cretins" smash things up, one of their number goes to pick up some "weed" from the power plant. It's become apparent why these kids are no longer honor society. It is remarkable how fast the marijuana grows. The students buy a joint for the upcoming frat party. At the party, the kids pass the "atomic joint" around and pretty soon the virginal Chrissy starts to feel the effects and drags the equally virginal Warren into bed upstairs at the party. That night, Warren starts to transform into a corroded, muscle bound monster with a seven foot long member while Chrissy not only is pregnant but that very night something emerges from her swollen belly...But it's only an hallucination. The next day both Warren and Chrissy are feeling pretty sick. Back home, as Warren walks by the electrical appliances, they all go on by themselves. As the cretins beat up a woman for her pocket book, Warren, looking very much the toxic avenger beats the cretins, killing two of them. Meanwhile, Chrissy is feeling effects as well as her abdomen swells horribly. Something then comes up through her throat and swims in the toilet bowl. Chrissy is taken to the emergency room. (Where we hear the call for Doctor Fine and Doctor Howard). The doctor claims that Chrissy was nine months pregnant. Chrissy's progeny is flushed down the toilet but ends up in a toxic vat. Warren has since returned to normal, and his next run in with the cretins doesn't go as well. They are thrown out of the school for fighting as they break out into a rousing chorus of the star spangled banner. Back at the reactor, the workers are falling like flies in spite of their protective suits. The Geiger counters are starting to go off the scale all over the school. One of the testers sits down for a moment and is attacked by Chrissy's progeny now grown to man eating size. The cretins are angry at Warren for getting them kicked out of school. They go to the school and kidnap Chrissy. The cretins announce a nuclear evacuation and thus are the only ones left in the school. Warren is given Chrissy's necklace and he rushes in to save her. Things degenerate into the cretins riding down the halls in motorcycles engaging in random vandalism. Just as things look bad for Chrissy, her progeny rises from a waste bin to save the day. Peelie has since been notified and shows up to check out the problem. As we can imagine, the villains are eliminated one by one.
* Blood * Violent * Strong Language * Nudity * Sexual Situations *
* Gory *
Class of Nuke'm High II: (College/Camp/Toxic) 1*skulls
1993/Color/83 Min./Media Home Video & Fox Home Video & Troma, Inc./ Rated
Director.........Eric Louzil (Fortress of Amerikkka, Lust for Freedom)
Screenplay.......Lloyd Kaufman, Eric Louzil, Carl Morano,
Marcus Roling, Jeffery W. Sass, & Matt Unger
Music............Bob Mithoff
Additional Songs by Sweet Little Roxana, Dan Syke, Paul Short,
& Lloyd Kaufman
Producer.........Michael Herz & Lloyd Kaufman
Executive Producers.....Masahiro Ebisawa, Sammy O. Masada,
& Tetsu Fujimura
Original Story by Lloyd Kaufman, Carl Morano, & Matt Unger
Special Creature Construction and Animation Brett Piper & Alex Pirnie
"Greenie" the Weenie Man Created by Gary Young
Dramatis Personae
(Not Available) Brick Bronski
Lisa Gaye
Leesa Rowland
Michael Kurtz
Scott Resnick
Shelby Shepard
Phil Rivo
Mark Richardson
Tromie the Nuclear Squirrel
Critique: There are troopers dressed in blue who seem to do nothing. The makers of this film like jokes. Like jokes do, this film falls pretty flat. The fat money man with the high voice is just impossible, as the funny "over-the-top" emoting in this dreadful sequel makes the viewer yearn for the sober professionalism of its predecessor. Even in this utter disaster he stands out as particularly lame. In essence, this appears to be a porno movie with less sex and nudity. In the tradition of that genre, the "plot" of the film merely frames the content, there, lame sex, here lame-ness. In this more expensive version of the first, the camp takes over over completely, with sad results. Indeed, they spent some money on this foolishness. First the apostacy of a Three Stooges allusion in the first part and now Yeats! They turn a Yeats quote into a "head" quote: Come away O human child! To the waters and the wild,-- W.B. Yeats. Come away subhumanoid Child to the waters and the wild.-- M.T. Head. Awful. These fools spent God knows how much money on this idiocy. What happened? If your viewing partner starts to sneak out, trap her/him. You're in this together. Compared to the worst of the genre, this is an embarrassing disaster, better than only one horror film we have seen, "Slashed Dreams".
Plot Summary: Tromaville, New Jersey, 1986. Now there is a junior college built inside the nuclear facility. A gigantic mutated rat attacks the college. Roger Smith, a.k.a. Stink, is Troma High's ace reporter, reporting on the rat attack. He recounts how a once thriving research institution fell to ruin. The squirrels were the downfall. Smith lauds the Tromaville squirrels. The muscle bound Smith is a flop with females who generally call him "stink". He is involved in the Marge Simpson-hairdooed professor Holt's psychological experiment along with Victoria, who has a pair of lips in her stomach. The researcher is impressed that Roger seems to have elicited some kind of emotion, presumably pity, from a subhuman. This is apparently unheard of. We get to see how the researcher has produced sub-humanoids through various forms of cross breeding and various sorts of tampering. Roger pines for Victoria. Next we get a filmed scene of the toxic avenger for a while, "Toxy". Roger covers women's basketball, where transfer student Amy is the star until she self-destructs in a pile of toxic foam with the tell tale subhumanoid mouth-stomach. Roger tries to report the sub-humanoid meltdown, but the school paper doesn't accept it, preferring gossip columns. Smith is the butt of constant jokes among Yolk and the other squirrels, but while being picked up from the floor, Victoria, who is working as a janitor, and soon they begin a romance. The super strong Victoria spins Roger around and he is knocked unconscious against a tree, losing her once again. Professor Holt is being pressured by the eunoch-voiced company man to conclude the experiment with the sub-humanoids. The squirrels torment a sub-humanoid until it melts down and little critters start spewing out of its remains. The romance between Roger and Victoria blooms until Roger sees her stomach mouth and is revolted. She runs off dismayed and confused. Roger follows Dean Ocre's voice. Ocre orders the termination of Victoria because of her contamination. A worker rids himself carelessly of radioactive waste and a squirrel crawls into the container. Diane, the editor of the school paper, believes Roger's story that Ocre is holding Holt and Victoria along with mutated creatures will be a hit on her tabloid even though she doesn't believe it's true. The gigantic contaminated squirrel meanwhile lumbers toward the school. The boys start beating Roger for a while until the articulate remnant of the janitor, a melted down sub-humanoid, saves him. Ogre leads a revolt among the students to save professor Holt and Victoria. As the revolt takes place, the giant mutated squirrel lumbers on to the school grounds for the stupid showdown.
* Blood * Violent * Strong Language * Sexual Situations * Nudity *
* Very Gory *
Class Reunion Massacre (Religious/School/Slasher) 5*****skulls
(The Redeemer, The Redeemer - Son of Satan)
Director.........Constantine S. Gochis
Screenplay.......William Vernick
Music............Phillip Gallo & Clem Vicari
Producer.........Sheldon Tromberg
Executive Producer.....Stephen Trattner
Make-up by Christine Intagliata & Mary Robinson
Dramatis Personae
Cindy..........Jeanetta Arnette
Terry..........Nick Carter
Jane...........Nikki Barthen
Roger..........Michael Hollingsworth
Kirsten........Gyr Patterson
The Redeemer...T.G. Finkbinder
Christopher....Christopher Flint
Janitor........Eric Kjoenes
Bible Salesman.Larry Mooney
Choir..........First Baptist Church
Critique: It doesn't matter if you've memorized both the bible and Shakespeare, you won't get everything that's going on here. That shouldn't stop you theologians and Shakespeare scholars from trying. It's interesting enough. What's with the appearance and disappearance of the priest's thumbs? Is this symbolic of the "second thumbing"? The Redeemer's sermon serves as an allegory for the very real fight against sin carried out as the body of the movie which gets as many points for literacy as it loses for coherence. If this had been filmed in black and white, it would be a cult classic among the cowards who rave about works they cannot understand. Time to get an editor though. With a few more hints and a bit more organization, this could have been an esthetically pleasing slasher. As it is, it's too frustrating to be fun. For sure, the Christopher figure is intriguing as a god who returns to judge the sinners, but he only gets six of them and all truly minor league sinners from the same high school class? Help!
How did the killer know to pick such perfect deaths for each victim.
Does the redeemer do this to every high school class?
St. Christopher/Giant/Water guy /servant of Christ
"and return to the watery depths of h?"
Christians may or may not like the idea that the "Redeemer" helps a priest kill sinners.
Plot Summary:
"From out of the Darkness the hand of
the redeemer shall appear to
punish those who have lived in sin...
A boy in very 70's clothes rises from a desert pool and appears in the bedroom of a man who grows a third thumb as he sleeps. He next appears at a dessert roadside where he boards a bus. An inspector from Apex Fire and Casual Insurance with a heavy drawl and wingtip shoes arrives at a high school with barred windows for an inspection. While the janitor shows him around, he shoots the janitor into the pool, then lays the janitor on a science room table. As the school bell rings, the strange pond boy disembarks from the bus, takes note of the Insurance/bible salesman's van, and puts on his robe for school with the other boys. Meanwhile, the salesman dons surgeon's gloves, rubs Vaseline on the janitor's forehead, and makes himself a perfect rubber janitor mask. He pulls out an academy yearbook and fingers through it, cutting out six pictures with a knife. Pond boy is threatened with a switchblade when he doesn't laugh at the alpha male's joke, but he escapes when it's time for the boys to sing choir practice and listen to a threatening sermon, which is a parallel narration of the sins of the yearbook sextet. Mr. Pitts tells the secretary that Mr. Sinclair is going to hear from him personally. Creepy, self absorbed Lawyer John Sinclair is going to his school reunion. Lauren Lerou (Cindy) is a dancer at "Buddy's Elbow Room" as well as little Richie's irresponsible mom and Drive in waitress. Scummy car guy and high school boyfriend Terry accompanies her to the reunion. Live pigeon shooting millionaire Jane and anus husband Phillip, narcissistic gay movie star Roger, an awful prima donna, and closeted lesbian Kirsten all head off for the not so big class reunion to complete the guest list. So, the thoroughly appalling class of 1967 rolls in and is greeted by the fake janitor, who leaves them to their party. They find the cafeteria decorated and catered, with music playing but no other guests. Jane and Sinclair make out and try to call other classmates when the phone suddenly goes dead. When Cindy goes to ask a neighbor what's going on, she finds the doors chained. She finds the dead janitor already covered with maggots and the group deduces that he's been dead for a while and that their janitor is a ringer. As they pound at the cages on the windows a grim reaper figure complete with skull mask and scythe laughs at them from outside. Lawyer Sinclair and car guy Terry check out the AV room to find the source of the music. Armed with a crowbar, they find only a dummy, but the dummy has a fiery surprise for Terry. The five survivors try to remember why someone would want revenge on them. They decide a smoky fire will bring help and (wisely) separate to search for flammable materials. Rich Jane discovers an open door and flees alone through the woods where she stumbles upon a duck hunter's tent. As she surveys the camp, the hunter with a wig and fake mustache returns and prattles on about hunting and Shakespeare's love sonnets before blasting her with a shotgun. When the others discover her body back inside the school, they regret having separated and work on their smoky fire. In the auditorium, their tormenter appears on the stage in a cemetery setting with a dagger wielding life-sized harlequin marionette which, as actor Roger arrives, releases another dagger through Roger's platinum blonde head. Sinclair gives chase and discovers the murderer's office and the cut up yearbook while Kirsten and Cindy wash up and exit the girls room. When painted woman Cindy returns to retrieve her bracelets, she is locked in with the killer, now made up like a clown. Clown man washes off her makeup in the shower and sink until she drowns. The killer confronts Law office Sinclair in the office with a gun and Sinclair demands to know why. For sins against people, Sinclair's being avarice. Sinclair wrestles the killer for the gun as Kirsten rushes to help and prevails briefly before his head is blasted through. Only Kirsten remains to face the killer, her sexual orientation and the harlequin.
"Guilt a hard edged thing, it rips one like a carrion's beak, examine your soul, it's to blame for the bodies ways"
Back at the academy, the preacher receives praise for his rousing sermon and wishes the churchgoers goodbye before retiring to lead pondboy off. Christopher tells him everything's going to be all right now and the priest heads inside, where he defrocks himself exposing bandaged wounds and a second thumb.
* Blood * Violent * No Strong Language * No Nudity *
* No Sexual Situations * Gory *
The Clown Murders (Halloween/Clown) 6******skulls
Director.........Martyn Burke (The Last Chase)
Screenplay.......Martyn Burke
Music............John Mills-Cockell
Producer.........Christopher Dalton
Executive Producer.....J. Stephen Stohn
Special Effects Make-up by Shonagh Jabour
Dramatis Personae*
Charlie.....Stephen Young (Lifeguard, Patton, Spring Fever)
Phillip.....Lawrence Dane (Fatal Attraction, Rituals, Scanners)
Police Sgt..Al Waxman (The Hitman, Meatballs III, Spasms)
Alison......Susan Keller
Rosie.......Gary Reineke (Why Shoot the Teacher/)
Peter.......John Bayliss
Compton.....Michael Magee
Developer...Cec Linder (Quatermass and the Pit, Strange Tales)
Harrison....William Osler
Tom.........Philip Craig
Critique: Above average acting, and fairly good production values. Look, it's a seventies movie, so what do you expect? People will stand around in front of sports cars with "funky" hats and sun glasses. These people are not likable either, which makes their immanent departures that much more enjoyable. This is apparently a study in the effects of the admixture of alcohol and guns. Not pretty. It is hard to keep track of all the lunatics as one after another, the participants in the prank lose it. What these petty, bickering people are doing with one another at all is a mystery, still it would appear to mirror your average Halloween party accurately. It is pretty enjoyable watching everyone go completely mad as an impressive array of schizoid tendencies is uncovered. People who are uneasy about clowns anyway might feel nervous seeing a scary clown standing around in the shadows in the barn. However, the problem is that a horror movie slasher type seems to have wandered onto the set of a traditional, if chaotic, prank cum kidnapping yarn. As such, the entrance of the slasher is more baffling than scary. The film encourages audience participation as the other participants in the prank unaccountably stay with it after Charlie inexcusably knocks Phil senseless and chloroforms Allison. In fact, the reactions of the characters (such as Allison's going along with the kidnapping) to the various events will leave you shaking your head.
* Blood * Violent * Strong Language * No Nudity * Sexual Situations *
* Not Particularly Gory *
Clownhouse (Clown/Children) 8********skulls
1987/Color/81 Min./RCA Columbia Pictures Home Video & Commercial Pictures/Rated R
Director.........Victor Salva
Screenplay.......Victor Salva
Music............Michael Becker & Thomas Richardson
Producer.........Michael Danty & Robin Mortarotti & Vicror Salva
Executive Producer....
Effects Makeup Chief..Steven Fink
Dramatis Personae
Casey............Nathan Forest Winters (Best Actor?)
Geoffrey.........Brian McHugh
Randy............Sam Rockwell (supporting?)
Mother...........Villetta Skillman
Real Bippo.......Timmothy Enos
Real Dippo.......Frank Diamanti
Lunatic Cheezo...Tree/ (Best Monster?)
Lunatic Bippo....Byron Weible
Lunatic Dippo....David C. Reinecker
Fortune Teller...Gloria Belsky
Storekeeper......Erika Young
Store assistant..Russell Jasper Watts
Marci............Anne Tomin
Melissa..........Sondra Utterback
Critique: There really is something frightening about clowns. Randy's exasperation with his brothers is quite believable. Perhaps the most frightening scene in the film is when they arrive back at the house after the popcorn run and find the dummy is back in the noose. Casey insists that Jeffrey wouldn't try to scare him. Not with Jeffrey's clothes. This problem recurs later in the film. The viewer is never certain whether one of the brothers won't be hanging from the noose. The fact that these are brothers, in spite of their squabbling, makes it horrifying that one or two will die. The undercurrent of a troubled family is subtly and wonderfully played. The chase scenes on Old Jones road have a dreamlike quality that makes them striking, Casey keeping just out of the clown's reach. When Casey calls the police and gets hold of officer Friendly, he does what just what he shouldn't: Casey says clowns are trying to get him. The officer suggests that if he hangs up and goes back to bed everything will be fine. He is sufficiently unsure of the distinction between imagination and reality that he hangs up, thinking the officer might be right. If there's one thing as bad as clowns it's their weirder familiar, scary calliope music, and it is chillingly effective in this film. The exchange between the fortune-teller and Casey works beautifully. The balloon bending scene too is enrapturing. Watch this one with your siblings, watch it with a cop, but don't watch it alone. You'll be certain that every sound is a clown in the attic!
* Blood * Extremely Violent * Strong Language * No Nudity *
* No Sexual Situations * Not Particularly Gory *
The Club (Demon/Teen/Prom/House) 7*******skulls
1993/Color/88 Min./Imperial Entertainment Corp. & Norstar Entertainment, Inc. & The Ontario Film Investment Program & Devil Productions, Inc./Not Rated
Director.........Brenton Spencer (Blown Away)
Screenplay.......Robert C. Cooper
Music............Paul Zaza
Producer.........Ilana Frank
Executive Producer.....Peter R. Simpson
Make-up by Eva Coudouloux
Special & Prosthetic Effects by Brock Joliffe, Fran‡ois Dagenaisi
Symphonic score Composed and Conducted by Peter Breiner
Dramatis Personae
John........Joel Wyner
Amy.........Andrea Roth
Evan........Rino Romano
Kyle........Zack Ward
Laura.......Kelli Taylor
Darren......Matthew Ferguson
Mr. Carver..Kim Coates(The Amityville Curse,Red-Blooded American Girl)
Greg........Paul Popowich
Sandra......Nicole Stoffman
M.C.........Colin Simpson
Lisa........Hillary Goldhar
Critique: Reminiscent of the fleeting dreamscape in Ken Russell's "Gothic". The notion that committing suicide condemns one to Satan's handiwork is entertaining. You either conquer tour fears or you die. Fear is evil's only power. This theory is presented as the horror equivalent to Albert Brooks film "Judgment City". Better than average acting, a decent story and in particular, the manipulative direction of Brenton Spencer place this one above the rest of its genre. As far as chess games with evil go this one has the clarity of a Twilight Zone episode with all the surprises and effects you'd expect in a nineties "dreamscape". Can they change their fate? The end took a bit longer than it should have as is so often the case with films that try to emulate the breakneck surprise pace of Evil Dead II (Army of Darkness for one ironic example). The demon has command of the subjunctive were whereas Laura (was) does not a delightfully conscious screenplay choice. A truly modern horror movie in the promblematization of domestic violence and the message to young woman not to run nor succumb.
Good Line: "I am sick and tired of this haunted house shit!" - Kyle
* Blood * Not Particularly Violent * Lots of Strong Language *
* Sexual Situations * Brief Nudity * Not Particularly Gory *
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